Children everywhere. I love them dearly. They are my kids.
But they swamped me. I had no time for rest. No time for life.
I was no longer Brina, I was the children's carer. I needed a break.
I needed to find myself again. Thanks to Rachel I learnt some adults
inside could be trusted with my children. I learnt I could leave
them in others care, whilst I enjoy time alone. It was a hard lesson
to learn. But it became clear, that without rest, I would fail
in my protection. I am responsible for over 150 children, they all
needed me. Now I teach them to look after themselves, each other,
and to find comfort in safe adults. I am always there, I will never
desert them, but by teaching them to find their own strength, I am still
providing love and safety.
I will never trust adults in the Outside world. They are dangerous,
cruel people. That is the way of things. There are a couple
I tolerate, and a few more that it's comfortable to let my children be
open with. But adults can't be trusted, even if they do not wish
to harm my children, they only see them as a source of amusement.
Enjoying the happiness, the innocence and play. But they abandon
them when the pain is shown, when the fun stops. For some the skills
of a child is acceptable, but not the child itself. I have dealt
with the anger and shame of a child, rejected because of who they were,
whilst the outside adult goes on their way. There is no difference
to me than an adult physically beaten up a child, than one that emotionally
beats down a child.
These children are my love. they show me the beauty in the simplest
things. The courage in surviving the worst in the world. They
make every day a blessing. No matter how tiring it is to have so
many under my care, I could never give up my job. It is a vocation
for sure. Heart breaking at times, joy filled at others, but always
an emotional experience. But no matter what comes from them, they
will always know my love.