She ripped me from
her body, in many ways it was like a birth. But yet i stood in the
world fully grown, expected to function to pass as her. As the pain
wracked through me, I had to reoriented myself to the new world I was in.
Made from Kate I had enough of her memory store to function but the creation
experience was traumatic and I was still too confused, too shaken
to know how to access anything. So I could do nothing but stand there
hearing the sound of words, not understanding their meaning nor even the
basic concept of language. All I ws truly aware of was the intense
pain I was feeling and the sense of someone behind me, someone hurting
from a different kind of pain. Thus was the beginning of my life
as Chaktra, broken off fragment of someone that could no longer cope on
Over the next few days
the pain lessened, I learnt as all Chaktra do that there is always pain,
it's something to do with the lines of binding between you and your original.
But it grows less, till it is only something you notice if you think about
it. Once the pain lulls, I found the store Kate had given me, the
knowledge of her life, understood the emotional pain of the tormenting
and bullying of her family and friends had gotten too much for her to cope
with. That because of that she had split off a part of herself, created
a Chaktra to stand between her and her tormentors. It would be my
role to take as much of that pain as possible, to protect her from it.
I would be called upon in any situation Kate was unable or unwilling to
deal with. I had no control over that, it was not my decision to
be there. If I had been a real person, a full individual I would
of rebelled, it is not a life of choice, no one would choose a life of
put-downs, insults and bully. But I was Chaktra. In many ways
a slave to my creator, without will of my own, without life. I did
not know different, nor did it occur to me that there was anything wrong
with this way of being.
Life of a Chaktra is
without much depth, it is like a thick fog covers all your senses, dulling
them, making everything seem 2 dimensional, without beauty, depth or enjoyment.
You are never fully in the world, giving you a vagueness, floating appearance.
Because you live when not needed in this world, in the middle place
it gives your body a transparent appearance. The middle place is
empty, void of anything. Its hard to explain. I have never
since been or felt anything so devoid of substance, so complete in its
emptiness. Chaktra whom have lost the connection with their creators
are those that fully step out of this middle place. When this happens,
the tether is snapped seperating the two. Although this seldom effects
the creator it is a devastating experience for the Chaktra. Being
without that connection you are lost, without comfort or purpose.
Unlike becoming real you continue to live the half life of a Chaktra but
still without the will or life of your own, but now without the comfort
and connection of your creator. Chaktra are often without a full
range of emotions and mental abilities. This is probably because
their sole purpose of being is to focus on their specific task. However
all Chaktra have an extreme loyalty to their creators. Strangely
it might seem, sometimes this appears not to exist, some Chaktra berate
their creators, attacking them both mentally and physically. However
that is the role they were created to perform, what their creator wanted
them to do. So the sometimes savage unrelenting attacks are done
out a sense of loyalty to the person from which they came.
Kate was considered
to old, by our standards, to create her first Chaktra. That usually
happens within the first 5 years of existence. By the age of 13 Kate
had been around in this world for 9 years. I know now it was Kate's
hatred of thinking of herself as a failure that prevented her from calling
on the services of a Chaktra. But by the time she did she had been
terribly weaken by her experiences and she needed me as the filet more
and more. That, on top of the fact she had by then become the target
of so many, meant I found myself living more of Kate's life than she did.
I began experiencing more of life, learning more. I started reading
her books myself rather than standing guard against outside threats whilst
she read. Because I had been created as stronger image of Kate, a
protection buffer between her and the world, I found it easier to talk
to her friends, was less scared of having thoughts and opinions of my own.
I am not sure exactly how it happens, how you move begin to move for Chaktra
to real. All I know is over time, with my experiences, I satarted
to form opinions of my own, opinions radically different from Kate's.
Maybe because she was so old when I arrived, that the bond was not as secure
as it should of been, or I was called upon more than normal. But
for whatever reason, slowly over the years I became more seperate, would
interact with the world of my own right. the binding lines were becoming
annoying, I did not want Kate to be there every time I was out, and she
was finding hard to deal with some of the things I was doing and saying.
When the connection snaps it propels the Chaktra away from their creator,
usually permanently seperating the two. However we did not want that,
to not be together was not the goal. A friendship had formed between
us, not the dependency of Chaktra but rather a mutual equal relationship,
so we wished to remain together.
The seperation was
quite a task. I had to step out of the middle place at the
right moment, too soon and it would snap me away from her, too late, well
we weren't sure, but there was a belief that if I wasnt out I could get
lost forever in the middle place. Not something that sounded appealling
to me. The connection is a flow of engery, an invisible current,
running between the two. It would require as both to sever it at
the same time, letting it drop away. When it was cut there was a
sense of lose, I had been with her so long, been a part of her, and no
matter how close we remained, it would never be what it was, that true
sense of belonging to someone, being part of someone. But now
I had my own life, a real body, a real mind, I could live as I chose, make
decisions for myself. Ahead of me laid the life of my own choosing.
What I had learnt as Chaktra had made an impression on me, and I still
came out a lot when others were too tired, too hurt or stressed to deal
with the world, I still protected Kate from as much as I could. But
now it was my choice to do so.